Is Your Child Being Bullied?
Signs and Symptoms to look out for
A child may indicate by signs or behaviour that he or she is being bullied. Adults should be aware of these signs and should investigate if a child:
- is frightened of walking to or from school
- doesn't want to go on the school / public bus
- begs to be driven to school
- changes their usual routine
- is unwilling to go to school (school phobic)
- begins to truant
- becomes withdrawn anxious, or lacking in confidence
- starts stammering
- down and sad (which is out of character)
- signs of self harming
- avoids sitting near particular pupils in class, and wants to sit close to teacher
- attempts or threatens suicide, or runs away
- cries themselves to sleep at night or has nightmares
- deterioration in health, feels ill in the morning
- unfocussed on school work / is falling behind
- comes home with clothes torn or books damaged
- has possessions which are damaged or "go missing"
- asks for money or starts stealing money (to pay bully)
- has dinner or other monies continually "lost"
- has unexplained cuts or bruises
- comes home starving (money / lunch has been stolen)
- becomes aggressive, disruptive or unreasonable (in and out of school)
- is bullying other children or siblings
- stops eating
- is frightened to say what's wrong
- doesn't want to go outside in break times
- gives improbable excuses for any of the above
- is afraid to use the internet or mobile phone
- is nervous and jumpy when a cyber message is received
What to do?
- Listen and talk to them. They may feel out of control and ashamed - whether they are being bullied or bullying. Let them know you love them and want to help.
- Be clear that it is important for the bullying to stop and that the school will need to be involved.
- If your child is bullying others, think about what might be behind it. Are they trying to get attention or fit in with the crowd, or are they unaware of how they are hurting others?
- Talk to the school as soon as possible. Try to stay calm when you talk to the teachers - it helps to write down what you know and what the school says to you about what they are going to do.
- If you think things are not getting better, ask to see the school's anti-bullying policy and make an appointment to see the head teacher.
- Take care of yourself. Coping with your child's bullying may be very stressful - especially if it brings back memories of your own experiences. Try to take time for yourself or talk over what you feel with a friend or family.
Bullying within Schools
Each school in Southampton has its own policy regarding bullying, so if you suspect your child is being bullied at school, you will need to contact them. Individual school contact details are available in the school's section. No school should tolerate bullying.
Bullying and the Law
Some types of bullying behaviour are definitely against the law. Police will take them very seriously and offenders may be prosecuted.
- Theft of or damage to valuables (e.g. jewellery, personal stereos, mobile phones, designer clothing)
- Serious physical or sexual assault.
- Malicious or threatening phone calls, emails or text messages.
- Harassment and defamation online.
If a child in your care or one of your friends is experiencing bullying of this kind, you should help them to keep the evidence (e.g. photographs of damaged property and injuries; copies of malicious emails or text/phone messages, along with the date and time they were received and the email address or phone number they were sent from); and you should encourage and support them in reporting the incident to the police.
If a child or young person has been seriously physically assaulted or sexually assaulted, you should contact the police right away. Again, you should try to get the child's agreement to do this. You want to support them, not work against them.
If you suspect or know that a child in your care is bullying other children and young people, you should let them know that bullying can be against the law and that the police may get involved and prosecute certain types of bullying behaviour because it has such a bad effect on the young people who are bullied.
